


Honey, I Shrunk My Ring

by EllaWinchester24



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alright y'all, Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, But that's another story, Comedy, Crack, Dance Clubs, EmiMike, Engaged!Victuuri, Helpful!Otayuri, Here we go, It Was Supposed To Be, Like, Low-key Slutty!Phichit, M/M, Not so helpful!Phichit, RIP, Restaurants, Smol anxious baby!Yuuri, Sorry guys, Whipped!Victuuri, YURIO AND VICTOR ARE COUSIN BROTHERS, Yuri strip dances, Yurio is done with Yuuri, alriiiight, also, and also teaches Emil how to grind on Mickey, at least he gets that Dick™, bc protective!yurio is my hc, but hey, but it isn't, bye!, he lost his engagement ring guys, he still cares about yuri lol, he's allowed to be anxious, i love tagging so much lol, manager!chris, no skating, nvm, okay I can't think of anything else, okay i'm good i'm done, shit i haven't done this in so long, strip clubs, which isn't anything new but, who hits on his customers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-05 23:30:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11023860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaWinchester24/pseuds/EllaWinchester24
Summary: “Oh come on, Yuri,” Phichit bounces cheerily as they walk out, half an hour of futile searching later. “It wasn’t all a waste of time now, was it?”“All that happened was that you bent over every possible surface while pretending to look for the ring and made terrible innuendoes and somehowstillmanaged to score Chris’ number,” Otabek points out.Phichit frowns in confusion. “Exactly why itwasn’ta waste of time, buddy,” he clarifies and everyone sighs.ORThe one where Victuuri are engaged and have a night out with friends, Yuri loses his ring, Phichit receives dick picks and Otayuri is done with everyone's shit. It's all good.





	Honey, I Shrunk My Ring

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kireiflora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kireiflora/gifts).



> I'm back after five fucking months, can y'all believe it?  
> Ugh, exams.
> 
> But anyway, this is supposed to be a gift fic for the lovely [kireiflora](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kireiflora) so I won't ramble like I usually do.  
> I'm so so so sorry this is so late, I just finished four months of examinations and it was hell >.<  
> I really feel guilty about posting this so late. :/  
> So, this might not be the best fic ever but I really hope you enjoy it bc your prompt definitely got me back into the flow of writing pleasantly! ♥♥♥
> 
> Please enjoy!  
> P.S. No, I didn't think of the shitty title what you guys talkin' about, don't look at me, haha

Yuri can count on one hand, the number of times he's had close brushes with death.

 

There was the first time, even before he'd been born, when he'd kicked too hard in his mother's womb and she'd almost gone tumbling down the stairs in shock and pain. (Mari _never_ lets him forget that)

 

Then there was the time when he was five and adorable and visiting Korea with his family, only to be enraptured by a pretty toy that he just _had_ to have, little legs waddling across the street, unmindful of the incoming truck. (He’s still thankful to Minako for snatching him back at the last moment)

 

And then, of course, there’s the time he met the love of his life- Victor Nikiforov.

 

He'd been backpacking through Russia at the time, adding the last few pages of photographs to his scrapbook when he'd heard about the lovely sunsets at Lake Baikal from the locals. Yuri had shrugged and decided he could spare one day to see the sight.

 

He hadn't exactly anticipated spotting someone skinny-diving into the freezing waters. Or the repercussions of diving in after them to try and save them. Which is why, he was the one being dragged unconscious to the shore and then to the nearest ER.

 

So yeah, it might've been his closest call with death, but two weeks and a terrible fever later, he had the number of that cute ash blond and a bubbly feeling in his chest.

 

But he's never been as certain of the end as he is when he wakes up one beautiful morning, bells clanging in his head and engagement ring missing from his finger.

 

Victor is going to give him that heart-shaped smile and thens sacrifice him to paganic gods.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

Yuri grimaces, rinsing his mouth for the fifth time in as many minutes. _If he throws up one more time..._

 

“Oi, lightweight!” A laugh floats in through the washroom door. “You done puking up your guts in there? I'd like a chance to kiss my fiance good morning.”

 

Unbidden, a smile creeps onto his lips, temporarily washing away all thoughts of missing engagement rings and hangovers. He still can't believe he'll be married to Victor in a few months, free to spend the rest of their lives together.

 

...that is, if he manages to find his ring before Victor realises it's lost.

 

A knock at the washroom door startles him out of his reverie and Yuri rushes to hide his hand behind his back before realising he’d already had the foresight to lock it. “Yuri~” Victor sings. “I didn’t have the best ever engagement party yesterday just so you could throw up all the food this morning. I told you that caterer seemed dicey!”

 

Yuri stifles his smile and calls out, “I'm almost done here, Vitya. I'll be out by the time you set the breakfast table.”

 

The blond grumbles accusations about lazy fiancés under his breath and Yuri bites back his amusement as Victor’s footsteps stomp fake-angrily to the dining room.

 

Then, taking a deep breath, he turns to face the mirror and freaks the fuck out.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

Yurio is having a perfectly normal Sunday morning, thankfully having missed the deadly hangover that seems to have sunk its claws into the rest of the gang, when his phone pings.

 

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : YURIO

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : YUROO HELP ME

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : I KNOW YOU'RE READNBG THESE YOI BETTER REPLY

 

Yurio sighs, briefly contemplating whether or not he should answer but the next text makes up his mind for him.

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : YURI PLISETSKY IF YOU DON'T REPLY IM TELLING OTABAE YOU CANCELLED ON HIM SO YOU COULD WATCH THE NEW SEASON OF THAT CAT SHOW

 

 **theotheryuri** : THE FUCJ

 

 **theotheryuri** : WHY ARE YOU SO EVIL WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK YOURE A CINNAMON ROLL

 

 **theotheryuri** : also can you stop calling my boyfriend ‘bae’ thanx

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : I LOST MY ENGAGEMENT RING HELP

 

 **theotheryuri** : you what

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED

 

 **theotheryuri** : …

 

 **theotheryuri** : I normally wouldn't say this but

 

 **theotheryuri** : It’s been a pleasure being your friend, Yuri. I hope we meet in the next life. Dasvidanya.

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : YURIO DON'T LEAVE ME

 

 **theotheryuri** : WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO YOU IDIOT YOU LOST THE ONE THING YOU HAD TO PROTECT WITH YOUR LIFE

 

 **theotheryuri** : Victor is going to murder you

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : I know but

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : please, Yurio. I really need your help

 

 **theotheryuri** : *deep sigh* the things I do for friendship, I swear

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : thank you!!! (but also you're going to demand pirozhki-katsudon as payment so don't start feeling too noble just yet)

 

 **theotheryuri** : oh? what's that? you don't want my help?

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : I'm sorry!!! I just can't stop freaking out!! <kaomoji>

 

 **theotheryuri** : *deeper sigh*

 

 **theotheryuri** : wrap a crepe bandage around your entire hand and tell your blond idiot we're going wedding shopping or smth

 

 **theotheryuri** : then meet us @ yuko’s cafe in half an hour and we'll try to find it

 

 **theotheryuri** : okay?

 

 **katsukinikiforov** : awww yurio!! thank you!! i love you!! <kaomoji>

 

 **theotheryuri** : gross

 

 

Throwing his phone on his bed, Yurio huffs. There goes his perfectly normal Sunday morning.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

“In hindsight,” Phichit announces, looking at the same sight Yurio and Otabek are, “maybe next time we ask Yuri to fake an injury, we should keep in mind the fact that he has a crazy whipped fiancé.”

 

“Agreed,” Otabek says, staring through the glass walls of Yuko’s cafe as Victor keeps trying to talk Yuri back into his car, probably to take him to the hospital. They all watch as Yuri waves the offer off with a shake of his hand and a cute grin, leaning forward to peck Victor quickly on his lips.

 

Turning away soon after, Yuri waits till Victor has reluctantly driven away, before entering the café with a worried expression.

 

“Yuri!” Phichit calls cheerfully. “Hold up, we're almost done with our coffees. Then we can go find your ring, don't worry.”

 

“Thank you, Phichit,” the other smiles as he settles into the empty chair next to Yurio's, swiping the latter's coffee to grab a sip.

 

Otabek has long since stopped questioning the intimacy between the two, but he can't help the feeling of surprise that comes every time he sees Yuri do something like this without having Yurio threaten to disembowel him with a meat cleaver.

 

( _What_ , it's not his fault his boyfriend's wild)

 

((Nor is the fact that _that's_ how he met said boyfriend the first time))

 

(((But that's a story for another time)))

 

“Victor doesn't know you lost your ring, does he?” Otabek asks in greeting and pats Yuri's head sympathetically when the latter groans, banging his head against the table.

 

“I'm the world's worst fiancé!” He moans in anguish.

 

Yurio ‘tsks’ loudly, grabbing his cup and smacking the oldest on the back of his head. “You're the world's worst everything,” he says, annoyance littering his tone. “But since I don't have time to tell you how much you suck, let's just cut down on the dramatics and start with the ring-hunting, shall we?”

 

Phichit sighs, mumbling something about ‘smol angry beans’ before quickly shutting up as he catches said boy throwing him a dirty glare.

 

“We can’t start with the ring-hunting, guys,” Yuri’s defeated voice interrupts, making Yurio back away from a relieved Phichit. “I don’t even remember _half_ the places we visited last night.”

 

“That’s because you’re a lightweight and can never hold your liquor,” Yurio announces with an arrogant air of superiority that makes even his boyfriend’s hands twitch. Quickly catching on to the sudden frigid air, the youngest boy hurriedly proceeds. (His ability to evade hangovers after drinking everyone under the table is something of a sore spot for them all) “But fortunately for you, _I_ remember all of the unlucky places that entertained us last night and we shall leave for them right away. Onwards!”

 

He accompanies his words with a grand flourish in the direction of the exit and marches away.

 

The three left at the table stare as Yurio walks out, unanimously deciding to wait and see if he’ll realise they’re not behind him _before_ he reaches the next block.

 

(Spoiler alert: he doesn’t)

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

 

“Hey, I remember this place!” Yuri exclaims, looking up at the name of the very fancy, very Swiss restaurant, in front of which they’re standing. “We had early dinner here last night, didn’t we?”

 

The other three nod and Yuri beams, proud of himself for remembering at least _this_ much, when something strikes him. “Wait a second,” he frowns. “Why don’t I remember leaving this restaurant??”

 

All his friends stare at him in disbelief. But just as Phichit is about to ask if Yuri’s deliberately being thick, a voice floats out from the fine-dining establishment.

 

“Guys, look! It’s that Japanese boy who drank sixteen glasses of champagne and danced on the tables!”

 

Oh no.

 

“Oh no. No no no no no, _no_ .” Yuri’s eyes widen in slow panic as the words register. He whirls around to look at his friends in horror. “You let me drink _sixteen glasses_ of champagne? _Sixteen_?”

 

The three traitors seem to take a sudden interest in their surroundings, scuffling at the footpath, looking at near-by trees and whistli-

 

“Ow!” Phichit yelps, rubbing sourly at his recently-pinched arm. “Come on, Yuri, it wasn’t just me! That’s unfair!”

 

His best friend obligingly moves to pinch the other two only to stop at Yurio’s deadpanned ‘it _was_ just him’.

 

Phichit gawks at him..

 

“Oh please,” Yurio rolls his eyes. “That blonde sleazeball of a manager gave you one salacious wink and you accepted every single bottle of wine he offered after. This one is all on you, buddy.”

 

“...okay, I’ll accept that. _But_ , in my defense,” the culprit adds haughtily. “The blonde sleazeball was pretty sexy.” The remaining friends groan, glaring when Phichit simply smiles and waves at the voice that had called out from the restaurant.

 

Yuri turns to face the man with the air of a long-suffering soul long since used to his friends embarrassing him. He opens his mouth, fully intending to apologise for last night's incident(s), only to stop short at the sight of the other's grinning face. “I could've sworn I saw you in one of my dreams,” he mutters, cocking his head and trying to remember why the restaurant server’s face looks so familiar…

 

“Did you, perhaps, see yourself snatching a breadstick from my tray and licking it while skipping from table to table, in this dream?” the server asks and Yuri blinks, surprised.

 

“Yes!” he exclaims, suddenly excited. “That’s exactly what I saw in my dream! Oh my god, did you have the same dream? I don’t believe it! In fact, I think I was at this very restau…” he trails off, smile faltering as realisation hits.

 

He looks away miserably. “It wasn’t a dream, was it?”

 

The man shakes his head.

 

“I drank sixteen glasses of champagne and made out with a breadstick, didn’t I?”

 

The man nods his head.

 

“Did I also whip off my tie and try to tie one of the customers to the chandelier?”

 

“Actually, you tried to tie your fiance to your table, but yeah, basically.”

 

Yuri sobs.

 

The man pats his shoulder sympathetically. “On the bright side,” he chirps, tugging him in the direction of the restaurant. “The entire staff at the restaurant is dying to meet the celebrity from yesterday! So you really should come in and say ‘hi’. We haven’t had an evening that exciting since that one time that Chris accepted Mila’s bet to strip tease and bang a customer in the storage closet.”

 

He stops, humming thoughtfully. “Okay, maybe, we _have_ had exciting evenings, but the point is that you were literally the first group of guys who seemed fun! And Chris has been going on about your friend’s ass for literal hours now, so-”

 

“Al _right_ , you guys! Time to start searching in the restaurant! With Lovely Gorgeous Chris and, um-” Phichit stops, waiting for the server to fill in his name.

 

“I’m Georgi.”

 

“With Chris and Georgi!” Phichit beams, smile looking a little crazed, marching right into the restaurant while the others stare in amazement.

 

“He becomes really pro-active if you give him incentive like dick,” Yurio explains to a bemused Georgi. The latter ‘ahh’s like it makes perfect sense and Yuri barely has a second to pray for the best before they’re entering the fancy restaurant to look for his ring and his friend’s future boytoy.

 

Unfortunately, only one of those quests is successful.

 

“Oh come on, Yuri,” Phichit bounces cheerily as they walk out, half an hour of futile searching later. “It wasn’t _all_ a waste of time now, was it?”

 

“All that happened was that you bent over every possible surface while pretending to look for the ring and made terrible innuendoes and somehow _still_ managed to score Chris’ number,” Otabek points out.

 

Phichit frowns in confusion. “Exactly why it _wasn’t_ a waste of time, buddy,” he clarifies and everyone sighs.

 

There’s no point arguing with the boy when he’s like this.

 

“But let’s be positive, yeah?” Yurio tries, looking at Yuri’s dejected face. “Sara pointed us to her brother’s dance club and even called the owner so he’d keep an eye out. We spent a lot of time there. Don’t worry, we’ll find it.”

 

Yuri smiles at that, bumping his shoulder lightly against the younger’s in a silent token of appreciation. Yurio smiles back for 0.3 seconds before focusing again. “So, what was the name of the club, again?”

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

“We came to _Le Prix_ last night?” Yuri wails, clutching Yurio’s hand in a death grip. The blond grimaces, managing to squeeze his hand away only to have his shoulder become the victim as his idiotic friend latches on, octopus-like. “I can’t believe we got into the hottest club in town and _I_ _don’t even remember it_!”

 

Otabek resists the urge to facepalm. “It’s probably for the best though, right?” he reminds the older. “I mean, you only had champagne at the restaurant and you almost challenged Chris to a strip-off. Do you _really_ want to remember what you might’ve done after getting even drunker? At a club?”

 

Yuri shakes his head slowly, eyes wide.

 

“Exactly,” Otabek says in that same soothing tone. “So why don’t you just let Yura’s shoulder go and-”

 

“CLING TO YOUR OWN FUCKING FIANCE, BAKA!” Yurio pushes Yuri away, only to immediately engage in a scuffling match with him as the other retaliates

 

Otabek sighs, turning to exchange an exhausted look with Phichit and instantly regrets it the second he sees the Thai’s phone out, a huge dick on the screen. He almost screeches.

 

 _Almost_.

 

However, instead of letting the suddenness of the dick disturb him, he soldiers on because _someone_ has to be the adult in this friend group, and as the oldest is currently busy wrestling the youngest, and the only other person is sexting a restaurant manager, this duty falls to him.

 

“Can you please put Chris’ dick away and help me separate the two idiots? _Today_ ?” he asks, only receiving a huffed nod in response. “ _Thank_ you, it’s much appreciated.”

 

The two grab Yurio and Yuri and with one swift kick to their posteriors, they’re all walking in through the day entrance of the _Le Prix_.

 

The club looks vaguely familiar to Yuri the way Chris’ restaurant had but he still can’t recall anything concrete. It's nearly empty right now, as most clubs are before 9 pm, except for a few cleaners doing their job. Before Yuri can take a closer look around to see if he can remember if he took off his ring anywhere here last night, a cheerful voice is greeting them. “Ahh, good afternoon, gentlemen! It is so wonderful to see you again so soon,” the owner beams, all sunshine and smiles. “Especially you, Yuri! I’m so glad you came.”

 

Yuri smiles back unsurely, hesitant of how to react. On the one hand, there’s a complete stranger telling him he’s glad Yuri came and on the other… well, said stranger _is_ pretty damn cute and welcoming.

 

“I’m so sorry, but I really don’t remember much from last night,” Yuri says, scratching sheepishly at the back of his neck. “Did we do anything weird or embarrassing..?”

 

The other laughs. “Not by my definition of weird, don't worry. I'm Emil Nekola, the owner.”

 

“Ahh yes! Sara had suggested we head to your club last night,” Phichit recalls. “She’d said that her idiot brother and his boyfriend own the place..? Um, I mean-”

 

Emil throws his head back in laughter as he smacks his thigh in amusement. He can’t seem to control himself and the four friends stare awkwardly, waiting for it to subside so they can ask about the ring.

 

Wiping tears from his eyes, the owner continues. “Sorry! It's just that Mickey is normally such an intimidating person, usually no one but Sara has the guts to call him out,” he explains, still smiling broadly. “Anyway, how can I help you all? Sara texted me and told me you were looking for a ring? Is that it?”

 

Yuri nods vigorously. “Yes, actually. Um, I was here with my fiance and friends last night, as you remember but I can’t seem to find my ring. We were just hoping you could let us have a look around, if that isn’t too much of a bother?”

 

Emil waves his concerns away with an easy smile. “It’s no trouble, trust me.” Leaning closer, he winks. “For someone who taught me how to give a lap dance to my boyfriend, I’d do anything,” he whispers in a conspiratorial tone. Straightening up, he calls out to one of the cleaners and tells them to assist the flabbergasted friends in looking for the ring before cheerily waving them all goodbye and leaving.

 

There’s a sort of stillness in the air as everyone stares at Yuri.

 

“So,” the cleaner asks, blowing up his chewing gum before letting it pop. “Any chance you give dance lessons?”

 

Yurio, for the first time, feels seriously concerned as his brother’s fiance proceeds to have a mental breakdown in front of them.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

“No.” Yuri’s voice is final and determined and no one blames him. “We're not going in there. We are _not_ . No.” He repeats, only this time he _actually_ means it. A fancy Swiss restaurant, he could handle, a dance club he could handle but there is no fucking way he's getting into the strip club.

 

“Yuri, this is the last place we visited last night before Victor dragged you to bed.” Phichit reminds him pleadingly. “It's literally our last hope. We have to check in there.”

 

Yuri closes his eyes. “Why did you let me into a strip club?” He whisper-asks, 100% done with his life at this point.

 

Otabek pats him consolingly and suggests they get it over with. “The sooner we go in, the sooner we can come out.” He tells Yuri, feeling a pang of pride as the other takes a deep breath and pushes open the door to walk in.

 

The inside is much fancier than most strip clubs and they all silently admire the sleek look of the poles and the ambience before someone walks in from one of the inner rooms. “The sign _clearly_ says we don't open ti- oh. It's you,” the man stops short, eyes fixed on Yuri.

 

The brunet just sighs. “Great. What, what did I do with you, huh? Did I challenge you to strip with me too? Did I teach you how to lap dance too? _Did I lick your breadstick too_?”

 

The elderly man raises his eyebrows. “That's really not the kind of club I run, kid.”

 

Everyone chokes.

 

“I'm guessing you were drunk off your ass when you danced last night?” He continues, huffing when Yuri nods. “Thought so. Anyway, if you complete your audition, I'll hand over the money you made last night, so..grab a pole and let's do this.”

 

Yuri gapes at him. “What,” he croaks, weakly.

 

The owner gives him a funny look. “You danced on the stage last night,” he says slowly, like he's speaking to a child. “Remember? You tried to audition but your boyfriend put you over his shoulder and took you back home, as far as I can tell. But you said you'd be back because you made a tiny fortune with all the tips the customers threw at you. So… just give me a couple of twirls on the pole, and I'll give you your money from last night and call you later to let you know if you're hired. Simple,” he shrugs.

 

“We're really only just looking for his engagement ring,” Phichit says hesitantly, staring at his best friend's broken expression in alarm. Yurio and Otabek seems to be having the same concern as they try to figure out Yuri's emotional state.

 

“Oh.” the man stares in surprise. “Well, I'm sorry to tell you kids this but, I supervise the cleaning of the entire club myself and we didn't come across any rings,” he says apologetically. “I could keep an eye out for it and let you boys know if I find it?”

 

Yurio nods. “Thank you, that'd be great, really. We'll just get going so, that's- um, Yuri? What are you doing?” The blond asks in confusion, staring as the other moves to the stage.

 

He doesn't get a reply and watches helplessly with the others as Yuri smiles peacefully. “If I'm going to be sacrificed to the paganic gods,” he says, stepping up to the pole and motioning for them to sit. “I'm jolly well going to audition for a strip dance before I go.”

 

Obediently, they all spare a few moments to feel sorry for their friend before sitting back and enjoying the show.

 

After all, they're not idiots to turn away Katsuki Yuri’s dancing.

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

It's a weary group of friends that make their way back to the couple's house that evening.

 

“Cheer up guys, you look like you're going to attend a funeral,” Yuri smiles, bumping his hip against Phichit’s. “At least we had fun right? Phichit scored a booty call, we made so many new friends, we have an open invitation to _Le Prix_ and I made a small fortune! It wasn't all bad, right?”

 

Yurio purses his lips, guiltily. “Sorry we couldn't help,” he says softly and Yuri sighs, linking their arms.

 

“He'll understand, don't worry. Besides, tonight is pizza night so you can't be sad on pizza night. It goes against the rules,” he declares.

 

Otabek snorts. “Rules you just made up?”

 

Yuri narrows his eyes playfully, kicking at the other’s feet. “Come on, get in you brats.”

 

They all troop in after him, hanging up their jackets and toeing off their shoes. From within, the mouth-watering fragrance of pizza beckons and they all crowd into the living room.

 

Victor is sitting on the couch, but he instantly climbs over it to peck his fiance sweetly on the cheek. “Hey love, how's your hand?”

 

They all wince slightly before pretending to be busy with plates and cutlery. Victor frowns in confusion.

 

“It's much better!” Yuri rushes to reassure him. “I'll be able to take off my bandage in some time, don't worry.”

 

Victor smiles happily and pecks him twice again before going to his office bag and dipping his hand in it to reemerge with a black silky cloth that he holds out to Yuri with a smile. “Guess what you can cross off your wishlist,” he smiles impishly.

 

Yuri gasps excitedly. “You bought me a blindfold?”

 

Victor’s smile freezes and he stutters for almost fifty seconds before managing to choke out a weak ‘it's a scarf, Yuri’.

 

“Oh.” The brunet blushes, embarrassed. “Right. Of course it is. Um.”

 

“On the bright side,” Phichit chirps. “At least Victor now knows what to get you for your anniversary.”

 

The ash blond throws a ball of napkin at the snickering Thai before moving to the kitchen to grab the pizza boxes. “Oh by the way, Yuri,” he calls out from within. “Lilia called! She said the rings should be completely polished and ready by tomorrow and we can pick it up from the shop.”

 

Everyone pauses.

 

“Wh- I'm sorry, what did you say?” Yuri asks quietly.

 

Victor comes out of the kitchen, precariously balancing four pizzas in his hand, tongue poking out in concentration. “Lilia took our rings last night, remember? We'd decided to get them polished? She says they'll be ready by tomorrow.” He smiles, pleased when he manages to set the pizza down without accident, oblivious to everyone's looks of murderous incredulity. “Shall we start?”

 

“One moment, please.” Yuri holds up a hand and leans to whisper in Otabek’s ear. “Can you please convince your boyfriend to murder me after dinner? I'm really hungry after that pole dance.”

 

Otabek flashes him a thumbs-up.

 

(Yuri doubts Otabek managed anything since by the time dinner is over, his foot’s bruised from Yurio’s kicks)

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

BONUS-

 

They're all relaxing on the couch, watching some crappy romcom when the landline rings.

 

Bellies full and energy levels at zero, no one makes a move to get it and the call rings for some more time before going to voice mail.

 

“Yuri? This is Yakov Feltsman from the strip club today.”

 

Everyone but Victor shoots up in their seats.

 

“I'm just calling to tell you the job's yours if you want it. Our best stripper’s leaving the business in a couple of weeks but I'm sure he wouldn't mind sticking around a little to help you learn the ropes.”

 

Victor's head swivels to face Yuri.

 

“You can come in anytime you want next week, although I would prefer it if you came for a tour tomorro-”

 

There's a _click_ as Victor disconnects the telephone line, giving a hard look to the guilty four sitting on his couch.

 

“I think there's some explaining to do here.”

 

Yuri gulps nervously. He is _so_ fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally have no idea why I bother putting end notes except to beg for that Validation ™ lol.  
> Leave me a comment or a kudo if you liked it! ♥♥♥
> 
> (Also, I don't drink so I'm not sure if it's even possible to drink after sixteen glasses of champagne but I wanted Yuri to drink more and also I didn't want to lower the number of champagne glasses he downed bc I'm a hoe for canon, y'all)
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think!
> 
> [Say hi to me on [tumblr](fiftyshadesofkawaii.tumblr.com) bc I will probs love you forever if you become my friend]


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